If you didn't want to be a parent, WHY did you have kids?

This may be a long rant about people who can't be bothered to look out for their kids. I see them all over the place. Tonight, it was the lady in the grocery store who paid no attention as her kid roller skated up and down the aisles, completely heedless of the other customers shopping there. (When I was a kid, no one EVER thought about roller skating in a store - mom or dad would kill you if you tried it!) I guess it was okay with mom that junior was skating around like a lunatic - but I wonder what she'd have said if the kid had actually managed to run into someone?

Of course that's not as bad as the mom of the 3 year old who was in my store one night. We sell those bouncy play balls, and of course all the kids have to bounce, roll or throw them around the store. Well, this little guy was obviously a Tiger Woods wannabee, because he'd grabbed a wiffleball bat and was attempting to play golf with the bat and a convenient play ball. In the process he was knocking stuff off the shelves and probably would have knocked the ball into another customer had there been one in the aisle. So, I went over to the kid and said, "Honey, please don't play with the balls in the store." The kid was only 3 so I figured my comment was more for the mom's benefit than the kid's, and usually if I say something to a kid, mom will finally step in. But not this time. As I walked away I heard the mom telling her friend (in a pretty snotty tone), "Well, if they don't want the kids to play with the balls, why do they have them out?" Ummm, so that you will BUY them you dumb ass? Not for nothing, but I get a lot of elderly customers, What if your kid had managed to hit one of them with the ball? He could have hurt somebody - all because YOU are too stupid to know the difference between a playground and a store.

But it's not just other customers that can get hurt by unattentive parents. I can't count the number of times I've seen a kid ready to fall head first out of a shopping cart because mom or dad has their back to junior and can't see him climbing out of his seat. (If the kid is lucky, I spot them in time and say something to get the parent's attention before disaster strikes. If he's not, I get there just in time to see the cart fall over on its side because junior was trying to make his escape. It might not seem like such a long fall to you, but the kid is falling from a height that is well over his body height. How would YOU like to fall off something taller than you? Sounds painful, doesn't it?)

And my absolute favorite gripe - patents who let their babies chew on whatever item they happen to be buying that day. It's one thing when baby is chewing on the new teether or the sippy cup that mom is getting ready to pay for - at least those items are meant for kids. (But I would still want to wash them before I let a kid chew on them. And I won't even get into how I feel as a cashier that has to handle an item that's been slobbered all over by a sick kid.......) But some of these parents will literally let their kid chew on ANYTHING in their shopping basket. I will never forget the day a lady came up to my counter and the baby was gumming a bottle of freaking NAIL POLISH REMOVER!!! You know, the stuff that says "Harmful or FATAL if swallowed." WHAT THE F*CK WAS SHE THINKING? What if the cap came off? Not all those types of things come with safety seals, you know - because it's not like they are meant to be ingested. I had another lady who needed our assistance in the store because her little one had managed to squirt perfume in his eyes - because once again, mom had let him play with something she was about to buy. Ugh!

To the good parents out there who make an effort to watch their kids, I applaud you - standing ovation. But to the rest of you, I can only ask - what the f*ck is wrong with you?

Dionne's psychic friends don't work here either

Usually around the beginning of the year, people get new prescription cards from their insurance carriers. Many times it's because they changed providers, or because the insurance company had changed the ID or group numbers on the cards. So I try to ask people if they have received new cards since the last time they had a prescription filled in my store. After they look at me like I am completely insane for asking such a thing, they usually say "Yes. Do you need to see it?" No, I don't need to see it. I'll just pull some random numbers out of my ass and see if they work. What the f*ck is wrong with you?

Miss Cleo doesn't work here

Today a woman came into my store trying to return a cream that she had picked up the other day. She said that she decided not to use it because the literature that came with the drug said not to use it if you are pregnant or planning to become pregnant, and she was trying to get pregnant. She seemed quite perturbed that neither her doctor or the pharmacist had told her that she shouldn't be using it if she was trying to get pregnant. So I asked her if she had told anyone that she was trying. Her answer? "No, because I didn't think that was important since it is just a cream." Okay, there are two things wrong with that. Number one - nobody in my pharmacy has psychic powers (and I assume the same is probably true at her doctor's office.) So unless she said something to someone (ANYONE!) how was the pharmacist to know that she was trying to become pregnant. Number two - if it's "just a cream" (the implication being that creams are somehow not drugs, I guess) then WHY would the FDA in its infinite wisdom, make it obtainable ONLY WITH A DOCTOR'S PRESCRIPTION? Hello! If it was not a drug then you could just buy it in the beauty aisle with all the moisturizers, wrinkle creams, etc. What the f*ck is wrong with you?

Not out of the mouth of babes please...

Sometimes at the pharmacy, we run into patients who have their children drop off new prescriptions. Now that's not usually a problem as the "child" is usually an adult bringing in something for an elderly parent, or a teenager bringing in something for a sick parent. But every so often, we get a 5 or 6 year old bringing in a prescription for a mommy or daddy who is waiting in the car. Putting aside the obvious issue of why on earth would you send an unattended 5 year old into a store where anyone could walk off with them....... most of the time these children can't answer the questions we need answered. Like for instance, what is the name of the patient. "Mommy" just doesn't quite cut it. And forget getting a date of birth or even any insurance info. Those are questions that most little kids can't handle - especially when mommy or daddy didn't bother writing any useful information on the prescription to help us out. Parents - what the f*ck is wrong with you?